Back in my Old Shoes

When you haven’t yet mastered using your own voice, it can become easy to allow others to speak for you. I found myself in a situation that caused me to put my old shoes back on…

He was very articulate and that won me over. I didn’t have to speak my opinion or shoot my ideas because he already had one planned…so I just remained quiet. It seemed endearing having him take charge and be “the man”. All the while forgetting that I, too, play an important role and that my say was vital.

The sweet-nothings turned in to bitter words of lies and deceit. Looking in his eyes, I knew there was dishonesty. But I was willing to accept his words over his actions because he was

here- “That had to mean something, right??,” I kept reassuring myself over and over.

How could YOU treat me this way? I kept repeating over and over in my head as im staring into the eyes of my abuser. How could YOU leave me when I needed you the most. How could you work my nerves so badly that It caused my nerves to literally fail me? How could you cheat, lie and abuse me?

But it really wasn’t YOU at all; it was ME! I allowed you to grab me by the arm and yank me around. I allowed you to kick me out while I begged to come back in. I allowed you to say “Baby, I love you! There’s no one else for me” and then you go be in the arms of another. I allowed my voice to be cut off, in fear that if I actually spoke up and say what was REALLY on my mind, you would leave. But that happened anyway. Leaving me depressed and simply giving up the will to live. The only reason I ever got out of bed to operate as a human robot in someone else’s world was the willpower of caring for my child 

 So I guess the real question is, How could “”I””???